Luxury Scented Caitlin Moran Candle
Long-time idol of ours, Caitlin was a little chagrined to find that her candle wasn't made to smell like Gwynnie's famous one which gives users wafts of the scent of the Paltrow nether-regions, so NEVER LET IT BE SAID WE DO NOT WANT TO BETTER OURSELVES: here it is, waaaaaaay better than Gwynnie's scent, and not just one, but two choices! BOOM. Intrigued, read on, dear friend, READ ON...
Luxury never smelled so good! A 30cl (300ml) glossy black jar containing hand-filled candle with your choice of two utterly beguiling scents: Dark Habit, or Blooming Bush (read on for descriptions). And vegans rejoice!! It’s SOY. Glorious, fabulous, soy. Natural, renewable, biodegradable soy with (wait for it) a sexier-than sexy shiny metal lid. So it's basically a design piece even when it's not lit. You're welcome.
DARK HABIT - A rich, moody, positively sensual, mix of blackberry, leather and birch.
This scent has top notes of blackcurrant, bergamot and apple, leading to an aromatic heart of birch, incense with peppery rose and Moroccan jasmine, sitting on (what else?) a delicious base of oak moss and ambergris. Brings to mind lying in a wooded area, being gently chastised across the bare buttocks with birch twigs, whilst straining at the wrist against the pleasing feeling of leather restraints. Or perhaps that’s just us…either way, HEAVENLY for the enthusiast of a dark, rich scent.
BLOOMING BUSH - Like a floral orgasm, but without all the mess of having a real one.
This winner of a fragrance is an energising, aromatic expression of joy. Like Springtime on steroids. A pleasingly bright blend of delicious ingredients designed to lift one’s mood with juicy peach and blood orange as the zingy top notes, softened by sweet night jasmine and violet at its heart. A delicious dash of warm coriander, the creamy base notes of woods, musk, and just the campest little hint of vanilla. Guaranteed to result in olfactory arousal.
For those candle care officianados and those who (quite rightly) want to get the best out of their fabulous scented sainted purchase, read on:
- Before lighting, ensure the wick is trimmed to about 4mm. This gives the most efficient burn.
- For maximum olfactory stimulation, however tempting, burn only one scent at a time and let your primed-and-ready little nasal receptors focus and luxuriate.
- First burn: somewhere between two and four hours. That means the melted wax will reach near the edges of the glass and achieve maximum scent next lighting. If you burn for less you’ll get a little hollow and reduced scent – take time to enjoy it and it will serve you beautifully.
- Keep away from draughts – they can do untold things to your wick and make your candle burn unevenly, and too quickly. Quelle horreur
- ENJOY! Your candle is a thing of beauty and its scent will get you like a good massage – you know, like when you get a really good bit and go “Oh god, that’s what I was after” – same with scented candles. Not only does it cast an atmospheric glow in its beautifuly, stylish, glossy little vessel, but every so often you catch an extra heady whiff and think to yourself “Oh yessssssssss”. LOVELY.
We create and dispatch candles and sanitisers within 2 days of receiving an order. We ship by Royal Mail First Class, which usually arrives the next day. (We actually tried Hermes to begin with, until a customer actually described using them as a bit like sucking Satan’s cock. We agreed – very bitter aftertaste - so now we’re with good old, reliable Royal Mail)
Items that aren't candles/sanitisers ship separately, as they're created using special machinery, off-site. They cost the same as candles and also go Royal Mail First Class - because of Rona-related hell, allow up to 7 days from ordering for other Sainted items to dispatch.
We try to keep shipping prices simple so with this in mind:
Orders up to £30 - £3.99
Orders up to £35 – £5.99
Orders over £35 - FREE
We know lots of people order on mobile phones – please double check the shipping address as we can’t send replacements out when the package goes to the wrong address (trust us, it happens, usually because of auto-fill settings!) Because of the way our system is set up, we can’t change the shipping destination or the order (including gift card text) after it’s been placed.
Sadly we don’t ship internationally anymore. We did, but it was a bit of a ‘mare, so we decided to focus on doing what we do well, so we’re now UK-only. SORRY….
If you happen to be in the States, there are some terrific celebrity prayer candle makers there who can ship to you waaaay cheaper than we can anyway, so have a google for these and you’ll actually come out ahead. Result!
REFUNDS AND RETURNS
Of course we accept returns on candles! If you don't absolutely love your saint (never happened yet by the way), drop us a note at firstname.lastname@example.org and let us know you're returning it - we'll issue a refund as soon as it arrives. Return postage is the sender's responsibility, and as soon as we receive it, we'll issue a full refund and let you know we’ve done so.
Items other than candles and santisers aren’t returnable, as we don’t make them ourselves (we’re good, but our skills don’t extend to moulding perspex, bookbinding or making cushions and canvases). Of course if something is wrong with it, we'll absolutely refund. This is thankfully exceedingly rare. We'll refund on receipt of a picture the damaged or imperfect item (same email: email@example.com).
We pack super well, so it rarely happens, but if the postman decides to play football with your beloved package before leaving it with you, just send us a picture of the damaged item and we’ll refund you right away.
Everything that leaves us is in A1 order and we’re pretty fastidious about that. But if for some reason it reaches you in less than that, just like with breakages, contact us with a picture (send to firstname.lastname@example.org) and we’ll refund immediately. We genuinely want you to love your order as much as we love making it but if it isn't right, we'll give you your money back.
WE'RE REAL PEOPLE
Lastly, you'll always get a proper, human, non-cut-and-pasted response from us. Though Mrs Sainted might have to pull herself away from drooling over pictures of Zac Efron and Mr Sainted might have to do the same, we're pretty quick on email, and pretty much always around. And we love to chat. About pretty much anything (though our products are our speciality).